A Memorial Address for Malcolm Curtis Rose
by the Rev. Grant Schnarr
Glenview New Church - May 3, 2002

"I cried out to the Lord with my voice; with my voice to the Lord I make my supplication."  (Psalm 142)

When a sixteen-year-old boy takes his own life no set of doctrines can be woven together in such a way as to make it better, no words can wash away the grief, the anger, the pain.  This is not the Lord's will.  This is not the path set before us by a loving God since the beginning of creation.  It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  We instinctively know that suicide is wrong, and though it may be difficult for those who know Max, and love and respect him as a friend, it is of vital importance to know that suicide is a selfish and hurtful act.  Feel the loss inside yourselves, the deep pain which will leave scars for a lifetime.  Witness the questions which have been raised in yourself by this act, the ones that seem to have no answer: Why?  Why did he do this?  Why didn't I see this coming?  Why didn't I do more, say more, be more for him?  Why didn't he love us enough to choose another way?  What happened to the laughing, funny, caring person I knew?  Was this not for real?  Why would the Lord let this happen?  What is the joy of life when it can be so suddenly and so carelessly thrown away?  Sense the pain and the hurt this act brings to loving parents, siblings, friends, and people connected to family and friends all over the country, and beyond.  The act of suicide is evil, creates potential avenues for the hells to wreak havoc on people's hearts and lives, and it is never a good choice.  There is no love, wisdom, reason, courage, chivalry in this act.  Any problems that Max was running from here, he will find there, in the other world.  He will have help and guidance in this new world, but he will have to face his problems and deal with them.  There is no escape from that.  What Max did was a mistake, and I am sure that he is well aware of that right now.  Knowing Max, after waking up in the other world, with the angels there to comfort and guide him he probably said, 'What the hell did I do that for?'  And knowing Max, he probably said it just like that, or with a little more color and flare.

Max did make a mistake, and even though the act of suicide is a great evil, it doesn't mean that Max is evil.  The notion that those who commit suicide go to hell is a false idea taught by people who use scare tactics instead of care tactics to encourage those who are hurting to choose life.  A person isn't judged for the last act that person did on earth, especially if it was an act done in a state of mental sickness or disability.  The sum total of a person's life is what leads them to their final abode in the other world.  And an even more important and pertinent teaching of the Heavenly Doctrines of the New Church is that until a person becomes a full adult, with the full faculty of rationality and the freedom of self determination, which happens around the twentieth year, the person ultimately goes to heaven, because still a child.  Those who die before reaching adulthood are cared for by angels, taught the way to live, supported until their adult mind is fully developed, and then, one day, they choose heaven.  There is no doubt that Max will be prepared for this eternal life.  He will continue his journey as he did in this world.  And one day, as he has fully grown in mind and spirit, with that Max smile, and tough guy laugh, he will choose heaven and become an angel.

We know that the way Max entered the spiritual world was not the Lord's will, but we also know that the Lord foresees a person's life and choices and provides potential means for salvation.  There is a very peculiar and intriguing passage in Swedenborg's unpublished diary of spiritual experiences that speaks of a rare occasion when people are allowed to be taken early into the other world, where the battle with the hells becomes too great, and the person is overwhelmed by the insanity of a certain community of spirits and takes his own life.  He is in this manner rescued from the hells.  There are questions about what exactly this passage means, and to whom it applies, and we know that it is a rarity when this happens.  But we also know that Max struggled daily with his demons, and that they were becoming overwhelming to him.  Having been adopted as a baby we do not know the exact nature of what hereditary tendencies he was given by his natural parents.  We do know that Max was taken out of very unfortunate and disorderly circumstances and was placed in the loving and caring hands of Robert and Penny.  As Max grew it became more and more clear that there developed an inner conflict which tormented this boy.  He would try so hard to be good enough, smart enough, loving enough, useful enough, but the inner voices of doubt would always convince him that it was futile.  They told him at a very young age, again and again, that he was not worthy, not good, didn't deserve love, happiness.  This was regardless of the opposite message of support he received from parents and friends.  Now we all hear those inner demons occasionally, and as teenagers quite often.  But with Max, it seemed as soon as he would reach a point of happiness and self worth that the demons would drag him back down again, into the despair of their hell, and he would give up.  The anger, emotional detachment, despair, all seemed to come from the inside somewhere.  Often this would result in self-destructive acting out and misbehavior.  He battled these hells at an early age and it is possible that he just couldn't fight anymore, and the Lord called him to the other world.  He said as much in the note he left.  He spoke of his love for his parents, Zak, and his friends, and he also spoke of his struggle with hell, which he could not manage anymore.  He was a boy plagued by inner demons, out of control, who, in his own words, didn't want to make his mother cry anymore.  'I love you.  I love you.  I love you.' 

Again, for anyone thinking that this act was the right one for him, I ask, do you think his mother won't cry anymore?  Your heart tells you the answer.  It was the wrong choice.  But the hope here is the truth that the Lord works with disorder and foresees and provides in ways far beyond our comprehension.  In the Lord's providence Max was brought to Robert and Penny, and was loved, cared for, shown and taught so many things.  He was being prepared all this time for his heavenly home.  Robert and Penny, you did the best you could, and Max did too.  What you didn't know was that you were helping with phase one, and now he's undergoing phase two of his growth and preparation. And to his friends, you know how much he loves you, but did you know how much of a help you were to him?  You helped him grow in so many ways.  In the short time he was on earth Max was not only taught but shown what the demons would have him deny.  Those in his life showed him that he was good enough, and that he was loved.  This laid a foundation for him and his growth in the other world.  We do know that Max, with the support he received from you, and the new support from those in the other world,  will face those demons who tormented him, and he will have the victory.  He will be free.

Max is awakening to the other world even now, with angels there to greet him, and also his grandma Babs, and Ganny and Pop Pop. With loving support he will continue to grow, and come into the fullness of his usefulness in heaven.  So let us think of those good qualities that Max will take with him into the other world, which will make up his angelic character there.  Max always spoke the truth, to a fault.  It would get him in trouble very often.  Max would always stand up for the underdog, knowing full well what being an underdog felt like.  He'd fight to protect those he saw being unjustly treated. He'd risk himself in this regard.  Imagine the courage that takes, and how it will be used in the other world.  He will be a warrior angel, boldly speaking the truth into the darkness, rescuing those who are oppressed.  Max wasn't the smartest academically, something he was acutely aware of, but one thing all his friends say is that he was smart in another way.  He was life-smart.  Now we know that his last act on earth was the furthest thing from life-smart, and also that Max made other decisions in his life that would be a stretch to call smart.  But the kind of life-smarts that he exhibited throughout his life with his friends comes not from intelligence but from love.  It was the beginning of what the Writings of the New Church call 'wisdom' and it comes from a sensitive and loving heart.  He had an insight into people's hearts and minds.  He had a tough guy image, and put on a tough guy persona, but he was a very sensitive and loving person on the inside.  Imagine how he will be able to help those coming into the other world, or as he is a guardian to those on earth, especially those in pain.  He can whisper the way, the truth, in such a way that it can be received, with insightfulness and love.  Max was also downright funny.  Perhaps some of his classmates will remember him dressed as an owl, reciting his three line as only Max could in a school musical-- 'Hoo. Hoo. Hoo.'  Can we have a show of hands of how many of you here Max has  made laugh?  Think of the joy he can bring to those in despair, the lightness to any grave situation.  Max was an artist.  His artwork was, at times, scary, but the talent was undeniable.  Imagine how he will develop this talent for good, creating designs with that rough edge that will challenge people to think, to appreciate what they have, and to move forward.   When Max was able to pull away from his teenage couch-potato-like inertia, and help his dad with work, he became full of life.  He loved being useful.  One day Robert and Max were finishing off painting a house and worked nine straight hours without stopping.  When they were finished they stood shoulder to shoulder  in the front yard and beheld the work that they had accomplished.  Max turned to his father and said, 'Dad.  That was the most fun I've had in a long time.'  Robert nodded.  Max grabbed his arm and said, 'No Dad.  Really!  That is the most fun I've had in a long time.  I work all day.  I see what I did, and it was good.'

The last image I want to leave you with came out of a conversation with the other ministers who knew him as well.  Max exhibited a dark side.  He went into the depths where angels fear to tread.  He walked paths where many a young man is swallowed by the darkness, including himself.  But the Lord brings good out of all things.  We know for certain he will be an angel.  Perhaps Max, with that hard shelled armor, and that take no prisoner's attitude, and that life-smart love he has for the truth and those underdogs in need, and that rugged battle scarred spirit he gained while struggling in the world, perhaps his unique use will be as a guardian angel to those his age who have fallen into the depths of darkness and cannot find their way.  Perhaps with the knowledge and experience he has, and his incredible courage, he will march into places most angels wouldn't dare go, and be present with those teens in their darkest times, to shout at the hells, to whisper words of hope to those oppressed, and to lift them up, out of that pit to safety. 'He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty....Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the Fowler....His truth shall be your shield and buckler.  You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day, nor of the pestilence that walks in the darkness....For he shall give His angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways.  They shall bear you up in their hands, lest you dash your foot against a stone.'  (Psalm 91)

The Lord's ways are not our ways.  The Lord's ways are good.  His purpose for creation is nothing short of a heaven for the human race.  In times of tragedy He is there.  When people make mistakes He is there.  Even when people choose hurtful and destructive acts to themselves or to others, the Lord is there.  He is there in all His love and mercy to lift up the fallen, to set straight the crooked, to bring His flock home to Him, especially those who have lost their way.  God can make good come out of anything, if we let Him.  Truly, it is our choice to turn tragedy into triumph, the triumph of love and compassion, by holding those whom we love, and in reaching out to those in need, so they don't fall alone in that place of darkness.  So that they may live in the peace, the joy, the heavenly way of life that the Lord has prepared for us since the foundation of the world.  Let our thoughts and prayers be with Max, and his family, friends, and all who were touched by him in any way.  May all sense the gentle presence of the Lord, and find comfort in His ways, for the ways of the Lord are mercy and peace.  He is the source of love and life.

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the Lord,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
There is no searching of His understanding.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31                                  AMEN